Abuse IS Grounds for Divorce

 Abuse Is Grounds for Divorce

For too long, churches have told women that the only biblical ground for divorce is adultery. This teaching is rooted in legalism, mistranslation, and tradition—not in the heart of God. Scripture shows that abuse—emotional, verbal, physical, financial, or spiritual—is sin. God does not command women to remain in captivity. When there is no repentance, separation and divorce are permitted.

1. God Hates Abuse, Not Divorce

Malachi 2:16 is often quoted to shame women into staying in harmful marriages. Yet in the original language, the verse reads: “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, “and him who covers his garment with violence and deals treacherously with his wife.”

The focus is not the act of divorce—it is the man who fills his life with violence, arrogance, betrayal, and abuse. God hates treachery, not the woman’s freedom from it.

Psalm 11:5 echoes this truth: “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.”

God’s wrath is directed at the abuser, not the abused. In many translations, it doesn’t even state God hates divorce.

2. The Hardness of Heart

When Jesus addressed divorce in Matthew 19:8, He said: “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.”

Abuse flows from a hard, unrepentant heart. A man who refuses to walk in love, humility, and Christlikeness has hardened himself against God. Such a heart makes reconciliation impossible.

Repentance is not merely saying “I’m sorry.” True repentance produces visible change: “Produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8). Without fruit—without humility, love, and respect—there is no repentance.

3. Abusers Are Not Christians

Many abusers claim to be believers, even using Scripture to control their wives. But the Bible makes clear:

• Colossians 3:19 – “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

• Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.”

• 1 Peter 3:7 – Husbands must treat their wives with honor so their prayers are not hindered.

• 1 John 4:8 – “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

• 1 John 3:9–10 – “No one who is born of God will continue to sin… This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are.”

  
  

An abuser who refuses to change is not walking in the Spirit of Christ. He is bearing the fruit of the flesh (Galatians 5:19–21): anger, fits of rage, selfish ambition, discord. Scripture warns that those who live this way “will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Abuse whether emotional, physical, financial or spiritual is to willfully sin, it is betrayal against the wife and rebellion against God. It is what Adam chose when sin entered his heart.

4. God Commands Separation from the Unrepentant

The Bible does not call believers to endure oppression in silence. It commands separation from unrepentant sinners:

• Matthew 18:15–17 – If someone refuses correction, they are to be treated as an outsider.

• 1 Corinthians 5:11 – “You must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral, greedy, an idolater, slanderer, drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.”

• 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? What fellowship can light have with darkness?”

• 2 Timothy 3:2–5 – Describes people who are abusive, proud, and without love, concluding: “Have nothing to do with them.”

  
  

If the church is commanded to cut off fellowship with abusive people, how much more should a wife be free to leave a marriage that has already been broken by sin and betrayal.

5. What God Truly Hates

The Bible names the sins God detests:

• Proverbs 6:16–19 – pride, lying, shedding innocent blood, plotting evil, sowing discord.

• Isaiah 10:1–2 – oppression and injustice.

• Malachi 3:5 – oppressing the vulnerable and mistreating women.

  
  

Divorce is never listed among these. Abuse is. Violence is. Pride and arrogance are.

What God hates is a husband who oppresses his wife, not a wife who seeks freedom from abuse.

6. Marriage by God’s Design

Marriage was created to reflect Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:25–28). A husband is called to love sacrificially, to cherish his wife, and to lay down his life. God’s original design, before sin, was for male and female, made in God’s image to govern together (Gen. 1:26-29). His plan has not changed. His design is mutual submission (Eph. 5:21). We don’t submit to gender or biology, we submit to one another’s spiritual gifts, strengths, and anointing. It is a spiritual Kingdom, not a physical one.

Abuse, control, manipulation, and misogyny are the opposite of Christlikeness. They are not “marriage issues”—they are sin issues.

Love never harms. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud… it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5).

A marriage without love, humility, and Christlike service is already broken.

7. The Call to Freedom

Jesus declared His mission: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me… He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and set the oppressed free” (Luke 4:18).

Abuse is captivity. Oppression is bondage. Christ does not call His daughters to remain in chains.

Divorce is not rebellion against God—it is deliverance from oppression. It is not sin to walk out of captivity. It is sin to keep someone enslaved.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

Conclusion

Abuse—whether verbal, emotional, physical, financial, or spiritual—is sin. No true follower of Jesus would ever degrade, control, limit, or harm His daughters. An unrepentant abuser, no matter what he claims, is not walking in Christ. Scripture commands separation from the unrepentant.

God hates pride, arrogance, self-centeredness, and abuse. He delights in truth, love, humility, and freedom. He loves His daughters and calls them out of bondage into life. Divorce is not the evil—abuse is.

Abuse is grounds for divorce. And in Christ, women are free.

Be free to be mighty for Jesus.

In freedom and might,

Jeannette