IN-SECURITY

Who is your security in?

Definition of INSECURE: Uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence (Google Dictionary).

The opposite of insecure is confident, calm, and collected.

One of the main reasons men become abusive or oppressive is insecurity. When someone doesn’t feel secure or confident in who they are—or in their abilities—they try to control their surroundings: their environment, people, even their spouse. Instead of finding security in God, they rely on themselves. The more controlling or abusive a person is, the deeper their insecurities run.

Why Men Become Insecure

Men don’t usually wake up one day choosing insecurity or abuse—these patterns are often shaped by what they were taught or how they were treated:

• Childhood wounds — Boys who were criticized, shamed, or told they’d “never amount to anything” often carry those words into adulthood. Fear of failure hides beneath the surface.

• Absent or harsh fathers — Sons of distant, abusive, or absent fathers grow up feeling unworthy, unloved, or unsure of their identity.

• Cultural pressures — Society tells men they must always be tough, dominant, and in control. Vulnerability is branded “weak,” so men mask fear with anger or control.

• False teaching in religion — Distorted views of Scripture teach that leadership means ruling, that women are “lesser,” and that authority equals power rather than servanthood. These lies fuel insecurity and pride.

• Unmet inner needs — Every human craves love, acceptance, and security. When men don’t find these in Christ, they try to fill the void through control, domination, or performance.

  
  

Healing for Men

Unchecked insecurity often feeds self-centeredness or even narcissism (see my blog The Narcissist Check List). But insecurity doesn’t have to rule a man’s life—Christ offers healing for every wound, lie, and false identity:

• The Father’s Love heals rejection. God calls men His beloved sons (1 John 3:1).

• The Cross breaks shame. No failure or sin defines a man—only Christ does (2 Corinthians 5:17).

• The Word renews the mind. Lies from culture and upbringing are replaced with God’s truth.

• The Spirit produces fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control replace anger, fear, and control (Galatians 5:22–23).

• True manhood is Christlikeness. Jesus modeled security through humble servanthood—washing feet, laying down His life, and loving unconditionally. His service wasn’t defined by His carpentry or paid employment, as some men mistakenly believe. He came to set the oppressed free! 

  
  

When men root their identity in Christ, insecurity loses its grip. They no longer need to dominate or control to feel strong. Instead, they become confident, humble, and free—able to love their wives, children, and communities as God designed.

Note to women: Men’s brokenness is not your project. You are not called to fix, mother, or save them—Jesus is the Savior, not you. You want a partner, not a project. If their fruit is not mature, leave them on the tree to ripen. If they refuse to grow, heal, and mature, it is better to be married to Jesus than to live as someone’s doormat.

When Fear and Insecurity Rule

Left unchecked, insecurity always produces oppression. The insecure feel threatened by what they cannot control. Why? Because they have not yet come under the authority and love of Christ—“perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18).

True confidence comes from identity in Christ: Christ in you, the hope of glory. When we abide in Him, we bear the Spirit’s fruit. Only by surrendering our need to dominate can we find true freedom.

The Bible teaches, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). When people revere themselves more than God, they have problems submitting to others especially their wife. Those who are confident, humble and secure in Christ have no problem letting others lead according to their gifts, strengths, talents, and anointing.

Scriptures Commonly Misused to Keep Women “Beneath”

1. Ephesians 5:22 — “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

   • Misuse / Satan’s playbook: Ripped out of context to demand blind obedience from women.

   • Truth: The verse before says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Biblical submission is mutual. Husbands are commanded to love as Christ loved the church—laying down their lives, not ruling with domination.

2. 1 Timothy 2:12 — “I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.”

   • Misuse / Satan’s playbook: Used to silence women from teaching or leading.

   • Truth: Paul was addressing false teaching in Ephesus, not issuing a universal ban. Elsewhere, Paul praises women leaders like Priscilla (teacher), Phoebe (deacon), and Junia (apostle).

3. 1 Corinthians 14:34–35 — “Women should remain silent in the churches.”

   • Misuse / Satan’s playbook: Weaponized to forbid women’s voices in worship.

   • Truth: Earlier, Paul gave instructions for women praying and prophesying in public gatherings (1 Corinthians 11:5). Clearly, he did not mean total silence. This passage addresses order in worship, not forbidding women from speaking.

4. Genesis 3:16 — “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

   • Misuse / Satan’s playbook: Taught as God’s design for male dominance.

   • Truth: This was not God’s design, command or curse, but His warning to the woman. Because of Adam’s rebellion, and sinful heart, he would now choose to rule over her. God’s original design before sin entered the earth was partnership and shared dominion (Genesis 1:27–28).

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👉 Yet Scripture also says: “The Lord will make you the head and not the tail. You will be above only and never beneath—if you obey the commands of the Lord your God” (Deuteronomy 28:13).

This means the qualification to lead and to never be beneath is based on obedience to God, not gender.

The Truth

Oppressors twist these verses into systems of fear and control, but Scripture as a whole shows God calls both men and women to:

• Lead

• Teach

• Prophesy

• Walk in authority under Christ

  
  

The Bible never gives men sole leadership or authority. Authority was given to both men and women to destroy the power of the enemy only (Luke 10:19), never to use over one another. Instead, it commands mutual honor, sacrificial love, and freedom in Christ.

Jesus gave us the true test of discipleship: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35). Love is from God’s Kingdom, oppression, division, gender prejudice, abuse is from the dominion of darkness, they cannot co-exist.

As Paul wrote: love is patient, kind, humble, not dishonoring, not self-seeking, not easily angered. Love protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres—love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4–8).

Our security, confidence, and identity must be found in Jesus Christ alone. Those who truly know Him are the most confident, humble, and peaceful people on earth.

Prayer & Declaration

Father, Thank You that in Christ we are complete, lacking nothing. We reject every lie of inferiority, fear, and oppression spoken over women. We declare freedom, healing, and restoration for every daughter of God.

Uproot every twisted use of Scripture used to control or silence. Replace insecurity with confidence in Christ. Replace fear with love. Replace oppression with freedom and dignity.

We declare:

• Women are not beneath but equal heirs of the Kingdom.

• Women are mighty in Christ, called, anointed, and chosen.

• No weapon formed against them will prosper.

• Their security and identity is found in Jesus, the Solid Rock.

  
  

And Lord, we pray for men bound by insecurity and control. Heal their wounds, silence the lies of the enemy, and root their identity in You. Raise up sons who are Christlike—humble, loving, and Spirit-filled.

Raise up confident sons and daughters who know who they are in You. Let them walk in love, courage, and strength—reflecting the image of Christ wherever they go.

In Jesus’ mighty Name, Amen.

Be free to be mighty for Jesus.

In freedom and might,

Jeannette